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A Case of the Moondays

Daily horoscopes for the cosmically confused

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✦ Choose your cosmic affliction ✦

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The stars are waiting.
Pick your sign above to see what nonsense the cosmos has in store.

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Consulting the celestial chaos...

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Mercury must be in retrograde, because something went wrong.

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✦ About This Cosmic Endeavour ✦

You have stumbled upon the most cosmically significant horoscope experience in the history of the universe — and frankly, it isn't close. Other horoscope sites are doing their little best, bless them, but none have dared to channel the raw, unfiltered wisdom of the celestial spheres with quite this level of commitment, gravitas, and absolutely zero accountability. The stars themselves requested this website. We cannot prove that, but we cannot disprove it either. You're welcome, and also: Mercury is in retrograde. It's always Mercury.

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✦ Frequently Asked Questions ✦

It is as real as any horoscope. Which is to say: cosmically, yes. Scientifically, we're going to politely change the subject.
Every day. The cosmos does not take weekends off, and neither do we.
It feels that way, doesn't it. Mercury is in retrograde roughly three times a year for about three weeks each time. The rest of the time, it is simply in a bad mood.
You can trust that it was written with the full attention of an AI that has access to a lot of astrological knowledge and absolutely no stake in what happens to you next week. Make of that what you will.
The stars are not here to flatter you. They are here to tell you something. Sometimes that something is uncomfortable. You are welcome to come back tomorrow, when the cosmos will have moved on and so, probably, should you.
We don't know how to explain that and frankly we're not going to try. The universe is large and strange. This is one of the less alarming things about it.
All signs are the worst one to someone. That is the magic of astrology. That is also, possibly, the problem with astrology. We leave it to you to decide.
No. We want to be very clear about this. No. Please speak to an actual professional. We are a website. A deeply committed website, but still.
Please. The stars put that reading together specifically for you and they would like others to know about it.
Yes. The stars do not charge for their wisdom. Neither do we. If it brought you something, though, there is a coffee button. The cosmos appreciates the gesture.

For entertainment purposes only. The stars are not responsible for your life choices, Mercury is definitely in retrograde, and we cannot be held liable for any existential crises that may result from reading this.

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